Making God Laugh

There I go again.

In the last six months or so I’ve made a lot of plans.  I decided to go back to school, I decided to sell my house,  I decided not to go back to school (yet) and now I think I’ve decided not to sell my house.  BUT I may have decided to go back to school after all.

For those interested here’s the progression.  I have all these little boys whom I ‘m going to have to feed as teenagers so I decided to go back to school so I could afford to do that but when I actually looked at the scheduling it became clear that there was no time that I could actually attend class (something that’s encouraged in those going to school) until the irish twins were both in preschool at least. Then we had an incident with some of the neighbor kids so we thought that we should try to get out of the hood, maybe stop exposing our kids to some of the influences that are part and parcel of where we live (it occurs to me now that I promised you more “the things that happen in my neighborhood” stories, maybe later).  So this week I’ve been talking to a Realtor and it turns out that the chances of selling our house without taking a loss are bad, really bad, and, honestly, I’ve just gotten our finances to a place that doesn’t give me ulcers. We can’t afford to take a loss.  So moving’s out.  The new plan there is to continue with the FHE and the scriptures and prayers (something that we’re actually really  really good about solely because it’s the only real protection from the neighborhood and the world that I can give them) and maybe step it up a little.  I’d also like to get them interested in something.  Some kind of sport, dance, gymnastics, horseback riding, something.  Something that will give them something to do aside from hanging out with the neighbor kids.

Also, lately I’ve applied for a different job.  Actually, it’s kind of the same job but the hours would be really different, freeing up most of my days, so maybe the school thing could work out after all.  I don’t know about the job, my boss was maybe going to decide today so I may know soon.  (Not that not knowing is going to stop my making plans, I’m still me.)

Overall, I’m actually pretty happy with the way things have worked out so far, I don’t love my neighborhood but I do love my house.  I love my new kitchen, and I think the rest of the house has so dang much potential that I was really sad at the thought of leaving and now I don’t have to think about it.  I would love some ideas from you all about how to make our living here a positive thing for my kids, seriously, how do I keep them away from the things that they will inevitably be introduced to living here (yes, I know that kids can find that stuff anywhere, but we’ve already had to put certain houses in the neighborhood off limits because the “adults” in the house were smoking pot in the house with their kids, and my kids there).  Maybe this is my chance to be a good influence to the neighborhood.  But how?

As to the going back to school, Im not going to put my eggs in that basket until I hear about the job and then we’ll see from there, if I don’t do school maybe I’ll start writing again.  Who knows, anything could happen, and no doubt, lots of things will.  And lots of plans will be made, and most, if not all, will be discarded.  But what the heck, if I can’t be good at least I can be entertaining!

Looking For a Good Time?

Let me recommend hitting your local Home Depot in a dress.

For extra fun, concentrate your time there in the power tool section.

In other news, I did not fall asleep once during my session at the temple today.  It’s sad that this is such an accomplishment but trust me on this one, it is.

Becoming a Twit

I don’t twit. Or tweet.  Or whatever it is one does on Twitter. And in truth, I’ve never even been to  (I tried to go in anticipation of this post, doing my research you know, but the computer I’m on has some serious parental controls and I can’t get there.)  But my understanding is that it’s a lot like the status updates on Facebook (and heaven knows, I Facebook) only you’re supposed to update then several times a day  (and when people do that on Facebook it’s just annoying).

But I love the status updates on Facebook (do you think I could use the word Facebook a few more times in this post?  I’ll try.)  I especially love coming up with interesting, obscure, but not too obscure status updates.  Unfortunately, I now find myself unable to think in more than 140 characters.

Seriously, I spent all day Monday thinking in status updates.  Am I the only one who does this?

Here’s a short list of the updates I thought of but didn’t post because I was building, and who can be on the computer all day anyway?

*Alison Wonderland is well aware of what her underwear says about her.

*Alison Wonderland is delighted with the beautiful weather.

*Alison Wonderland is spending some quality time with her saw, don’t tell the nail gun.

*Alison Wonderland is still singing the theme song to Phineas and Ferb.

*Alison Wonderland wonders if she is the only person in the neighborhood not celebrating the “holiday”.

*Alison Wonderland is less than delighted by the fact that her one year old shares her love of power tools.

*Alison Wonderland is really glad her children are washable.

*Alison Wonderland thinks that maybe she should take the metal saw blade out of the saw for cutting through wood.

*Alison Wonderland needs a new wood cutting blade for her saw.

*Alison Wonderland is cutting wood with the metal cutting blade, screw the recommendations.

*Alison Wonderland wishes her children would stop messing with her tools.

*Alison Wonderland needs a good long screw.

And at that point I thought it’s a darn good thing I don’t tweet.



It started out like this:102_0403And like this (obviously this is a different angle):102_0398

And then it looked like this:102_0420And then this:102_04611 Then this: 102_0486

Then this: 102_0552 Then this: 102_0578

Then this: 102_0599 This: 102_0617

This: 102_0815 This:102_0821

And now this: 102_08871 Yay!!!!

The exterior is not done.  Before: (notice the darness of the existing wood siding) 102_0399

Currently:102_0658 (notice the not darkness of the new wood siding.) 102_0659

And there is more work that needs to be done inside too: kitchen-fixes

But as of right now, I’m done.

And I’m calling it a win.

I’m Just … GRUMPY

I don’t feel like blogging.

I’ve still been posting about as often as I usually do.  And if you have a blog, I’ve still been reading, I just can’t bring myself to comment.  Because I don’t feel like it.  I don’t feel like talking and I don’t feel like making small talk and, sadly, I don’t feel like telling you that you’re funny (although you are) or that you’re smart (you’re that too) or that you’re so right (but I mean, obviously) I’m just too grumpy to do it.

Does that make me a bad person?

And then there’s the fact that my computer,Rufus, is freaking out and randomly clicking for me so if I leave the mouse somewhere other than at the end of the line I end up with sentences that look like this: not that th o read, see?  ere’s anything wrong with that but it does make them kind of hard t (of course when I let it go to write that sentence stupid Rufus behaved so it almost didn’t jump at all (actually it did randomly erase the whole paragraph but I couldn’t just leave it like that because it doesn’t make a lot of sense without the beginning of the paragraph) but then it did. Phew!)

And tonight I was going to put together the final kitchen post but my stupid camera is going through batteries like John Mayer goes through starlets so when I pulled it out it just turned itself off.  So I couldn’t take the necessary pictures so now you don’t get that post.  Yet.

“Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow…”

Maybe it’s the stupid cold, I’m tired of the cold.  Or maybe it’s the fact that the kids are off track, stupid year round school.  Or maybe it’s the never ending list of crap that needs to be done around the house (Kitchen’s done, yeah yeah yeah, but I still have to replace the window and build the desk and then there’s the living room…) Or maybe it’s just that I’m not that nice of a person after all.

Who knows?

I had a dream about an old boyfriend the other night.  It was super vivid and it really made me want to talk to him.  But he isn’t returning my emails so I guess that won’t happen.  Stupid ex-boyfriend.

I did the taxes a couple weeks ago.  When you have four kids and you make fifty cents an hour, doing the taxes is like winning the lottery (a small lottery but still).   That should make me happy.  Meh.

Don’t mind me, I’m fine, talk amongst yourselves.  I’ll be back with a more cheerful post or a meme or a report on the kitchen tomorrow.

The Real Houdini

Back when the Infantile Delinquent was stealing cars my mother said that rather than calling him Irish 1, which was what I called him at the time, I should call him Houdini.  I thought about it but then I came up with Infantile Delinquent and I thought that was pretty clever (and then bythelbs came up with InfaDel and that was even cleverer and a lot of fun) so I went with Infantile Delinquent instead.

And now I know I made a good choice.  Sure the Infadel steals cars but only those that are left unlocked.  Or those to which he has access to the keys, which is pretty precocious for a two-year-old but not quite as impressive as his sister who opens this 102_0819from the other side of the door.  (That’s not a stain on the door jamb, it’s just unpainted wood from where the hinges used to be before I turned the door around.  Long story.)

Sean and I sleep in the basement in our house.  All the kids sleep upstairs.  Most of the time.  But the kids are horrible sleepers and all of them with the exception of the Pea would prefer to sleep in our bed.  The Princess and the InfaDel feel so strongly about this that they will sneak down stairs in the middle of the night to do so.  The Baby probably would too but he can’t get out of his crib.  Yet.  (He’s only barely one after all) So he doesn’t.

In an effort to not have four people in our bed every night  we started locking the basement door.  That was effective for all of maybe one night.  Then the Princess realized that by inserting a screwdriver along the striker plate (the plate that lets the door close without your having to turn the knob.  Yes, I had to look that up.) she could pop that sucker right open.

So after waking up to find the Princess in our bed 2 or 3 (or 20 or 30) times we installed the very fancy hook and eye latch.

Before we proceed let me point out a few features of the hook and eye.

It’s placed high on the door.  I’m 5’7″ and I took this picture standing, notice how you’re looking up at the latch?

There’s a backstop (looked that one up too) between the edge of the door and the latch so anything that’s going to open that latch has to turn a corner.  (You can’t really see it in this picture but in the interest of full disclosure I will tell you that the backstop on this particular door is backwards because when I turned the door around I was too lazy to pull off the backstop and turn it around too.)

This particular latch has a spring loaded lock on it.  You drop the latch into place and then pull the lock thingy back and  it’s supposed to secure the latch into place. (This feature is not very effective, it’s easy to unlatch the thing without pulling back the lock.  But it has to add some resistance right?)

The latch stopped the Princess for all of two nights.


At first we thought that we were forgetting to latch it.  Nope.

Maybe she was just jimmying the door and the latch was coming off?  No.

I wondered if she was somehow getting a screwdriver in there so I tried it.  That didn’t work either.

So finally we asked her.

She carries a chair down the stairs and stands on it.  Then she takes a paperback book and slides the cover between the door and the frame.  The cover of the book easily turns the corner (Made slightly easier by the backward backstop but still…) and with the book cover lifts the latch.  She then inserts a screwdriver between the door and the striker plate, because we often engage both the latch and the lock (why, I have no idea because obviously neither are doing any good)  and unlocks the door.  She then carries the chair back upstairs, puts the book and the screwdriver away (the only time she ever cleans up after herself) and them comes back downstairs and climbs into bed with us.

It really is too bad she’s an evil genius.


Apparently I’m stripping my kitchen table.

This was not what I had intended to do today.

Or at all.

See, I got this kitchen table from my sister and it was cute but not super cute (sorry, Mel) and of course everything that’s going to be in my new super cute kitchen needs to be super cute so obviously something was going to need to be done.  I looked at it and decided that it needed a little more sanding to really distress the sort of distressed look that it had going on.  (I’m going with a distressed look because let’s face it, any furniture in my house is going to be distressed anyway because- well, it’s in my house.)

So I got out my sander to do a little additional distressing but I realized before to long that in addition to the paint and the spots of previously sanded off paint (did I mention that the table was already minimally distressed?) the table had been treated with a clear coat of sealer.

Now I know that that is standard operating procedure when going for a distressed look but I can not for the life of me figure out why.  Why do you paint something and then sand it so that it looks like it’s been used for years and then put a protective finish on it?  Why not just use it and then over time your worn in look might look even better because now it’s actually worn in?

Back to my point.  Do you know what happens when you sand polyurethane?  It gets cloudy and makes your piece of furniture, say a table top for example, look dusty.  Not exactly the look I was going for.  So I thought I’d try a little paint thinner, just to take the clear layer off.

It made no difference.

So I spread a little stripper on there, just for a minute, just to take the top layer off.

Do I need to mention that it didn’t work?  Let’s not belabor the point ok?

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