You know how Bythelbs does those posts about those emails that she- What? You don’t read Bythelbs? Why the heck not? You should you know. Go ahead click on the link, I’ll be right here. No really, I’ll wait.
Back? Ok now, so you probably didn’t see one because it’s been a while since she’s done one but she occasionally does these posts about these misdirected or phishing email that she gets and they crack me up because… Well, because they’re really funny.
Anyway, I thought I never got those kinds of emails because I never see them because like 90% of the rest of the world I have a yahoo email account and like 20% of the rest of the world I actually use mine. (Emailing with a company that has millions of costumers means that they see billions of spam emails so their spam filters are actually quite good.) But I checked another email account that I have the other day and I found a few gems.
The first is, I think, a pretty basic phishing scam but I find it fascinating because I don’t see them that often. Here it is:
Tell: +27 73 313 35 72
I write, asking for your indulgence in re-profiling funds to tune of Twelve Million,
Eight Hundred Thousand United States Dollars (US$12.8m) which we want to keep safely
overseas under your supervision.
In other words, we would like you to receive the said funds on our behalf. The Funds
were derived over time from a project awarded to a foreign firm by my Department, and
presently the actual contract cost have been paid to the original project executors,
leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount which we have in principle obtained
approval to remit overseas.
Kindly pardon the use of a medium informal as this for reaching out to you to make a
request of great importance to us.
Currently, I work as a Director of Projects at the Department of Minerals & Energy here
in Pretoria . I have the authority and approval of my partners involved in this
transaction to negotiate a suitable compensation for your participation and I propose
22.2 percent, while we also propose that we receive 46.6 percent and 31.2 percent be
earmarked for purposes of taxation.
This endeavor has a minimal risk factor on your part provided you treat it with the
utmost discretion. You are advised to reach me through email or you can contact me on my
number for further clarifications. (firstname.lastname@example.org)
I am available for further clarification.
I kindly wait to hear from you.
I just love that they don’t know whether I’m a sir or a madam but they trust me to keep almost 13 million dollars under my supervision. I’m a big fan of the random sprinkling of corporate and official sounding words “The Funds were derived over time from a project awarded to a foreign firm by my Department, and presently the actual contract cost have been paid to the original project executors, leaving the balance in the tune of the said amount which we have in principle obtained approval to remit overseas.” What does that even mean? And then there’s the generic African sounding name. Altogether priceless.
It may be heartless of me to ask but who falls for these things? Who reads this and thinks Oh my goodness, this poor guy, he really sounds like he needs my help. And then starts sending money?
The second email that I got actually gave me pause for a minute. The first thing that caught my attention was that is showed as being from Chris Oldboyfriend. (No, not that old boy friend.) For a minute I was actually really excited to read it because I haven’t heard from him in a long time. (Mostly due to my own lazyness but let’s not go into that ok?) But then I started reading the email. Here it is:
How are you today ? I am sorry I didn’t inform you about my traveling for a program called Empowering Youth to Fight Racism, HIV/AIDS, and Lack of Education. The program took place in three countries in Europe which are Scotland, Ireland and England. I am presently in England. I misplaced my wallet on my way to the hotel where my money, and other valuables were kept. I will like you to assist me with a soft loan urgently. The total sum of money that i would need would be $2,800US Dollars to sort-out my hotel bills and get myself back home. I will appreciate whatever you can afford, i’ll pay you back as soonas i return,Let me know if you can assist me so that i can send you the details to use when sending the money through western union money transfer.
NB :Let me know if you would be able to help me out and lend me the money ?
Ok so, first of all this is a guy I haven’t talked to in probably at least 5 years. Why on earth would he have informed me of his travel plans? Secondly, who writes a friend and asks for a “soft loan”? I know that that’s what a loan of a “small” amount of money is called (I think) and that’s great if you’re talking about corporate petty cash or something but “Hey buddy, can you help me out with a soft loan?” that just doesn’t sound all that- actually, it’s growing on me. Next time I need to borrow a couple bucks I might just try it out.
But the biggest thing that convinced me that there was now way that this email was actually from Chris Oldboyfriend was the closing. Regards. Regards?! This is a guy that at one time I thought I was going to marry. He’s a guy that I still love, that I will always love (because you never really ever completely stop loving someone that you loved once do you?) and I get a “regards”?! Even if I did think it was actually from him I wouldn’t have sent him any money just for that.
But I have a lot of respect for his trying to stamp out Rascism, HIV/AIDS, and Lack of Education. Now that’s ambition.