Speaking of My Untimely Demise…*

I know people who plan their funerals, I know people who feel really strongly that there be a lot of weeping and wailing and general distress that they are no longer occupying useful space on the planet.  Me?  Well, I guess I’m ok with that.  I mean, I don’t love the idea of no one minding that I’ve died, but I’m ok with a little laughter too, come on people, I’ve done some really stupid funny things in my life, share a few stories, just to lighten the mood.

The thing I’m going to get a kick out of (oh, come on, like you don’t plan on attending your own funeral.  I’m so going to be there.) is watching the people from the different parts of my life interact.  Mostly those who think they know me, and those who really do.

The best example I have of this is the fact that Sean is going to have all these people from my work come up to him and tell him about how I was always so positive and so cheerful. And he’s going to tell them that they are at the wrong funeral.  (You guys probably will too, you’ve heard enough snark out of me.)

But the folks at work, most of them anyway, haven’t really.  When I’m asked how I am at work my answer is almost always something along the lines of  “fantastic”, “great”, “living the dream”, that kind of thing.  When I’m assigned more work, especially towards the end of my shift when I’m tired and just want to sit down for a minute, I usually say “awesome!”  I regularly tell my doctors and my nurses that they’re great and the best and wonderful.  I’m not trying to brown nose, I’m not sucking up (I talk about myself in the same terms), I just don’t see the point in complaining, I got bored of the let me tell you how tired I am discussion in highschool  (and I think everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves).**

I’m not quite that nice at home.

The thing is, that I’m not intentionally different at work it’s just that my job is so far removed from my home that I just am.  My work is sometimes difficult and sometimes stressful, but most of the time my job’s not about saving lives it’s about setting bones and taking out tonsils and other mundane boringness.  But it’s mundane boringness that I’m only going to have to put up with for a maximum of 12 hours, because when I’m gone, I’m gone, heart and soul, except on very rare occasions I do not bring my work home with me.  I’m not the doctor so I don’t have to worry that I chose the wrong treatment, I don’t stress that patient X has an infection, that’s not my job, so for the 12 hours that I’m doing my job I can afford to be almost unrelentingly cheerful.

At home on the other hand, well, I never really leave here.  Even when I’m at work I’m still wondering if I dealt with the Princess’s problem the right way, what I can do to get the Pea to stop driving me, and everyone around him, crazy, whether I should be worried that the Infantile Delinquent doesn’t know his letters yet.  And they way they turn out is my responsibility.  And then there’s the car that needs fixing and the flat roof that’s really going to be a problem sometime soon and …  it’s harder to be cheerful all the time and that’s what home is.  So I tend a little more toward the snark.

I have a brother who made it his new years resolution (of sorts) to be cheerful.  Not more cheerful, just cheerful.  I know him and he’s amazing and while I’m not sure that he makes it all the time, I’m pretty sure that he succeeds most of the time.  (As an aside, I’ll mention that I think this is a fantastic and worthy goal, but it’s not one that I have, nor am I likely to.  Just saying…)  He’s not going to have people at his funeral with conflicting opinions.  But me, well, I plan to enjoy the show.

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*I’m seeing a theme to my recent posts and I’m not sure that I like it.

** I do NOT lie in my compliments.  I just make a point of noticing the things that people do well.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. LisAway
    Mar 05, 2010 @ 03:18:33

    Interesting! I wish I could do at home what you do at work. I’m glad you talk about the reasons you are not quite the same at home. I really admire people who can stay positive or at least mostly positive. I feel like I used to be a really upbeat person but life has gotten harder and staying cheerful is a lot harder work now!

    Awesome that you are practicing that in your life at least somewhere and your funeral will be awesome and hopefully a very long time from now. 🙂

  2. Melanie J
    Mar 05, 2010 @ 10:04:31

    If people have lived a full life, like my parents did, I think a funeral is not such a bad occasion. I gave my husband a fit the other day by announcing I want to be cremated and then have him throw a big old party around the ash urn. Not sure he’s going to do it, but I at least got it out there.

  3. flip flop mama
    Mar 05, 2010 @ 10:51:51

    I haven’t planned my funeral but I have been thinking about how complain-y I’ve been lately. I’m trying to look at the positive in things. I actually have a post in draft about this right now.

  4. madhousewife
    Mar 05, 2010 @ 11:00:50

    Every so often I think about being more cheerful/positive. I’m thinking about it right now, in fact. I’ll get back to you if it ever actually happens. If I ever actually *live that dream*.

  5. Susan M
    Mar 05, 2010 @ 11:30:02

    I read something Orson Scott Card wrote about one of his Ender books once. He said in real life, people behave and converse differently with different people. He found the book a challenge because there were so many different characters (it was the one where Ender is married to the woman with a bunch of kids), it was hard to have them behave differently with each person.

    Anyway, my husband noticed lately that I wasn’t very cheerful (negative was his exact description word) and decided to get the kids out of my hair for a full night and day. It was heaven.

  6. Annette
    Mar 13, 2010 @ 20:49:35

    Fascinating thoughts–there are so many facets of me that I really do wonder if people from different areas of my life would recognize the descriptions of me at my own funeral. They’d all expect a certain person–all of which are part of me, but none of which tells the entire story alone.

    You got me thinking . . .

  7. Chris Jones, Lehi Utah
    Mar 24, 2010 @ 09:13:43

    He IS going to have people at his funeral with conflicting opinions. He knows very well that there are hundreds that have been on the rough side of his tongue, and unfortunately, his genetic gifts make that rough side very rough indeed. It’s gotten him fired. Worse, it’s destroyed valuable relationships with good people that deserve better.

    Therefore the commitment to minimize the future recipients of said roughness. Minimize to zero, if possible.

    I never want my children to fear me. I never want my wife to tiptoe around something she has to tell me. It shames me that there are still times when they do. How much I have to answer for!

    Don’t praise me too highly.

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