Swing Low

Last week I was good.  I was a good mother, a good wife, a reasonable, put together, capable woman.

This week I’m lucky to get a bra on.

Isn’t it fun being a girl?


As I mentioned yesterday, it’s been raining around here for about 3 months straight, and yet for some reason the Princess hasn’t felt like that’s been enough water.  So yesterday she got out the hose and left 4 inches of standing water, mud really, under the swing set.


How do people who have children (and husbands) sell their houses?  Ours isn’t even officially for sale yet (although I’d be happy to consider any offers) and already I can see that the whole Realtor calling on the way over to the house thing just isn’t going to work.

I have a friend who kept five laundry baskets in her garage.  When the Realtor called she just pulled out the baskets and tossed everything that wasn’t where it went into the baskets.  Then she tossed the baskets into her car with her kids and away they went.  I think that that’s a good idea but in my case it’s just not going to be sufficient.


There are people out there who do not have six inches of crap piled on every flat surface.  I know there are, I’ve been in their homes.  Maybe you’re one of them.  What I don’t know is HOW?  How is that possible?

I try, honestly I do.  I’m not afraid to throw things away, I’m not very sentimental and I tend to be pretty pragmatic, I throw away things I know that I might need again, I throw away baby pictures and wedding announcements and … and yet there is a minimum of six inches of crap stacked on each and every horizontal surface in my house. How does this happen?

I don’t know but I’ll tell you what, my next house isn’t going to have any tables, counters or shelves that should solve it. Right?


I’m so sick of my house at this point that I’m about ready to just take a match to the whole thing.  (I’m begging those of you  who have lived through house fires to not inform me that burning it down does not actually help.  Did you hear me?  BEGGING.)


I noticed yesterday that my abs were sore.  I’m not really sick, I just have this tickle at the back of my throat and coughing gets rid of it.  Sometimes.  But I tell you what, by the time I get over this I’m gonna be ripped!


There used to be a DI five minutes from my house.  It was right across the street from the Home Depot even.  Then they closed it and built a brand new really lovely and very functional replacement.  That’s 20 minutes away.  How is that fair?


Is it nap time yet?

9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mother of the Wild Boys
    Jun 16, 2009 @ 12:21:46

    What are abs, and how do I get some?

  2. Jaime
    Jun 16, 2009 @ 13:10:11

    I’m also fascinated with houses that don’t have crap in every corner, every surface. I truly wonder how they do it. I can’t. I have tried. I even did it for four days last week. I felt so triumphant. All gone now. Back to clutter central.

    I wish you luck.

  3. bythelbs
    Jun 16, 2009 @ 13:25:25

    I will likely live in this house forever for this very reason.

  4. Migillicutty
    Jun 16, 2009 @ 13:57:46

    I have no cleaning advice. Whatsoever. Ask my Mom.

  5. Jami
    Jun 16, 2009 @ 17:41:03

    I keep thinking burning my house to the ground would take care of the clutter, but I know that then I’d just have charred clutter and jail time.

    I got rid of a lot of horizontal surfaces and now we have baskets and boxes and piles of crapola all over the place. I’m thinking closets and a garage would solve a lot of that for us.

  6. Julie
    Jun 16, 2009 @ 20:54:47

    I don’t have many piles but I’m afraid that happy little reality is going to come crashing in once my first kid starts school this fall.

    And now I must admit that while I don’t have many piles at all, I do have several drawers and closets stuffed full of crap-ola.

  7. LisAway
    Jun 17, 2009 @ 04:44:27

    I hate clutter, but we have it, too. The coffee table is perfectly clean a few times a day and sometimes we go days without clutter on the window sills, but that’s about it.

  8. Brittany Marie
    Jun 17, 2009 @ 08:14:06

    We used to drop stuff off at that old DI location. Now we are happy to drive to the new one just so we won’t get asked for money by people with 1 tooth.

    I’m also glad they built that new DI because our LDSFS location moved from a creepy location to that one (in the new building).

  9. JIllybean
    Jun 18, 2009 @ 09:26:34

    This is what worked for us.
    (quite by accident, we didn’t plan it this way)

    Get a bunch of moving boxes and scatter them throughout the house. Fill them half way full of stuff. Whenever someone comes to see the house, start packing more stuff in the boxes and say “Please excuse the mess, we’re moving and right now we’re in the middle of the packing mess.”

    Most people were very understanding and just carefully waded through all of our crap.
    Except for one stupid realtor who kept asking (multiple times) where we had all of that stuff put away. “I can’t believe that you were able to get all that stuff stowed away in the amount of closet space you have here.”
    But instead I said “You would be surprised what you can fit in the closets here.” which wasn’t exactly a lie because when we took all the junk out of the closets and put them in boxes, I was very surprised to see just how much junk we really had crammed inside the minimal closet space we did have.
    And on every flat surface of the house.

    We ended up getting two offers that day.

    Our new house was larger than the old one (and has way more closet space, AND a storage room) so when we moved all our crap into it, it didn’t look that messy, because the mess just got spread out. Unfortunately, since we have lived here, we’ve just acquired more crap which is now covering every flat surface in our home.

    You are not alone.

    And also, that new DI? It is right across the street from where we used to live. It opened up two weeks AFTER we moved, so while we were moving, we had to drive the 20 minutes to the other location to donate the stuff we didn’t want to move.

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