When I got married I did so with the belief that that was it, it’s over, amen. And we were going to live happily ever after of course.
Well, ten and a half years later we’re still kickin’ and that is an accomplishment in and of itself (although whether we’re kicking each other or kicking together against the world depends on the day) but it has required a lot of compromise and possibly even more of just letting things go.
Case in point: I hate Sean’s hair. It’s not just that it’s long, I don’t mind a little extra length, but it’s way too long. I think it makes him look like a guy who graduated from high school in the early 90’s and never really got over it. (There may be some argument there that that’s exactly what he is, but that’s not who he is to me, and don’t I know him better than anyone?) Regardless of the reason for the hair he likes it so he keeps it. And what am I going to do? Divorce him over it? How stupid would that be? And unless I’m really willing to go there I don’t see the point of taking some kind of a stand.
I have a friend who got a job somewhere int he pacific northwest (I don’t even remember where, we’re not that close.) So he packed up his young bride and they moved. She wasn’t happy there. About six months into it she came back to Utah to visit her mother. And refused to leave. That’s it, the end, she was not going back so if he wanted to be with her he’d better find a way to move back. He did, but unsurprisingly, their marriage didn’t see the end of that year. When one member of that union is willing to throw their weight around like that (or is willing to risk their marriage on getting what they want) it just can’t last long can it?
So what is a deal breaker? I have some thoughts on this topic but I’m not going to go into it yet (because obviously, I would state my arguments so eloquently that you’d all just agree with me and then this couldn’t be a discussion) but I’d like to hear what you think.
Would you leave over hair length? Over where you lived? How about cheating? Always or are there cases of cheating that you could work through? Does cheating just mean sex? How about a little making out? Would you leave over his (or her) leaving the church (whatever church you belong to)? Joining another church? Drinking? Social drinking when out with friends? Drinking in your home? Smoking? Socially? At home? Around the kids?
Where do you draw that line? Do you even know?
Really, I’m interested.