Batting a Thousand

I was going to blog tonight about how my job makes me a bad person and I’m still going to.  Sometime.  But I don’t feel like it now so instead I’m going to tell you about how I shaved off my eyelashes.

Yes, you read that right.

I was getting ready for a Christmas party, doing some very, very rare primping.  I got out of the shower and I was looking at my bushy overgrown eyebrows.  Well, that would never do.  But I’m not good at just plucking, I need a visual to tell me where I’m going, otherwise I’ll end up making a mess of it (right, Bythelbs?).  So I pulled out Sean’s handy dandy mustache trimmer.  You have to be careful with these, I know that.  I was watching that eyebrow every carefully so as not to take off too much.

And I was successful.  I shaved my eyebrow to just where it needed to be and then I plucked the shorties and VIOLA!  I looked fantastic!

Until I put my mascara on and then I saw this:102_0712

Just for comparison’s sake, here’s the other eye:102_0711

And yes, now I’m seeing the brow-hairs that I missed.  And the wrinkles, and the bloodshot eyes.  wow, this is just a horrible picture, I don’t want to post it all.  See what I’m willing to do for you?


19 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Annette
    Jan 02, 2009 @ 21:46:59

    Oh, oh, oh, oh!

    (Feeling really bad for you but laughing all the same.)

  2. Kristina
    Jan 02, 2009 @ 22:01:38

    OH my gosh! I am totally crying for you. And by crying, I mean laughing histerically.

    But don’t feel bad. I have my own sad tale of making a very stupid decision, coming up next week, about cutting off hair.

  3. The Boob Nazi
    Jan 02, 2009 @ 22:11:07

    hahaha Once I pulled out all my eyelashes. I was HOT!

  4. Jami
    Jan 02, 2009 @ 22:33:25

    Oh no! Did you try to glue them back on with eylash glue? Did you try time travel? Oh no!

    Luckily you are so darned good-looking that you can carry something like that off. Kind of like those asymmetrical haircuts. You just have to have the right face for it.

  5. Jo
    Jan 02, 2009 @ 22:58:56

    No greater love does a blogger have, than to humilate herself for her bloggy loves. Thank you. And it is very funny.

  6. LisAway
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 00:32:01

    I’m looking at this from a purely scientific standpoint and I am extremely curious as to how long it takes your eyelashes to go back to normal. I assume they will all have to go through the cycle of falling out and being replaced, right? I don’t think there are any signals being sent that they’re supposed to grow a little again, since they finished that a while back.

    You have to keep us (or at least me) updated. For the sake of science.

  7. Jillybean
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 09:48:24

    Poor you! I think they’ll be back in about three months.

    How do I know this, you ask?

    Because my son once cut off all of his eyelashes.

    On purpose.

    I was so upset with him! I told him I was mad because it was dangerous to have the scissors so close to his eyes, but the real reason I was mad was because he has the most amazing eyelashes, and he cut them off!!

  8. the letter Bee
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 09:49:31

    I JUST bought false eyelashes last night. I can see you may need them more than I do. However, your cropped eyelashes are still longer than my natural, uncut lashes. Crap.

  9. Jimh.
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 09:53:34

    Yep, you gotta be careful with beard trimmers…Especially if you are trying to trim near your ears in a mirror (sorry about the inadvertent rhyming), I had a notch, but fortunately, I don’t think anyone noticed…and I did not want to tattle on myself…

    Thanks for sharing…I suspect, knowing this, I will have to submit to my wife’s wanton eyebrow plucking, just don’t tell her, she’d have a hay-day!

  10. julie
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 12:08:37

    that sounds scary! Although I sure know one will even notice (anyone who hasn’t read your blog of course:)

  11. Alison @ hairlinefracture
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 12:56:10

    Oh wow! I knew a girl who pulled hers out while trying to curl them in a moving vehicle.

  12. Jaime
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 14:13:08

    Never had any real eyelash mishaps unless you count separating eyelashes with a safety pin like we used to and stabbing my eyeball a few times. I did, however, accidentally wax off half of an eyebrow once. I looked like I had one angry cartoon eyebrow. Not cute.

  13. Catherine
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 15:44:12

    Very funny, Al.

  14. Melanie J
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 16:26:37

    Hee hee hee hee! Oh, I sooooo needed this laugh today. Sorry it’s at your expense.


  15. Jen
    Jan 03, 2009 @ 21:48:44

    I’m so sorry for your loss. Will it help if I say “This will build character?” I always feel sooooo much better when people tell me that.

    How long does it take for eyelashes to grow, anyway?

  16. annie valentine
    Jan 04, 2009 @ 10:03:31

    I have one word for you: falsies.

  17. Kateastrophe
    Jan 04, 2009 @ 14:52:32

    After several mishaps exactly like this, I vowed never to touch my own eyebrows again. And I haven’t. Hahaha.

    I am sorry for your eyelashes. Truly.

  18. Jewel/Pink Ink
    Jan 05, 2009 @ 07:37:05

    Mustache-trimmer. I should try that sometime! 🙂

  19. bythelbs
    Jan 05, 2009 @ 10:47:57

    Woooooooooow. You win.

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