Blogging Because I Can’t Sleep

So I have this friend.






“And?”  You’re thinking.

But that’s it.  I have this friend.   And she’s just a friend, she’s not a sister or a cousin or a co-worker or even an in-law.  She’s just a friend.  We met through blogging but then we met in real life and at this point we’ve even hung out a few times.  I have a friend that I see for no other reason than to hang out with.  I haven’t had one of those in ten years.  Minimum.

It’s not that I haven’t had friends.  I had a few really good friends when I lived in Provo back in the stone age, but then I got married and moved away but I didn’t really mind because I was married and I didn’t need anyone but my husband anyway did I?  And for a while I didn’t.  And then I started having kids and I was working so I got the necessary adult conversation there, and when I wasn’t working I was home with the kids because Sean was working and I couldn’t afford a baby sitter but that was OK because I didn’t have anyone to go do things with anyway.  I’ve always (mostly) had friends at work, it just didn’t leave work.

So now I have this just a friend, friend and for a while it was really good but then I started being… well, me.

I’ve never been overly socially adept and the lack of practice over the last decade hasn’t helped anything.  See, as I said we’ve hung out a few times but we’ve planned to hang out a bunch more times and it hasn’t worked out.  And I get that that’s normal, we’ve all got lives to live, but I have these things that I want to talk to her about, conversations that I can’t have with anyone else (not because there’s anything weird or scandalous about them, just because they’re about writing and blogging and that kind of stuff and she’s the only person I know who does those things like I do those things) but I’m not really a phone person, at least I can’t call someone up just to talk to them, I have to have a reason to be calling.  As long as I have a reason I can talk all day, but “just to talk” isn’t a reason, so I can’t call.

Meandering back to the point.  So I have this friend that I see occasionally but not much and I don’t call because I can’t call, but I do email, and I do read and comment on her blog and occasionally throw in comments about when I see her next or when I saw her last or that kind of thing to show her other readers how cool I am that I actually know her but then I wonder if that’s Kosher.  Is that just not done?  And then I start to wonder if I’m really just a big loser and we haven’t gotten together more than we have because she’s avoiding me (if so, let me just say she’s an Oscar winning actress, she fakes sick really, really well) because I’m too needy, or I’m too aloof, or I’m calling too much, (I’ve called her exactly twice, I doubt that’s too much but you never know) or I’m calling too little, or my house is too messy, or I don’t know what all because I’m socially retarded (and I mean that in the actual definition of retarded kind of way, not in a throwing out retarded in an indiscriminate pejorative kind of way) and I no longer know how to have relationships with people who don’t have to continue to associate with me (ie: my family who can’t get away from me, or the people I work with who are too lazy to find other jobs to get away from me.)

And now as I look over this post I realize that since she reads my blog and will almost certainly know that I’m talking about her I’ve probably just made things a million times worse (and that I use too many parentheses).  So I’m going to go to bed.

All I’m saying is that she better come over tomorrow like she said she would.

Or at least call.


15 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. LisAway
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 00:24:20

    Ha ha!! You are OVER ANALYZING!! I think. I know who you’re talking about. And I DO think you’re cool for knowing her. But from what I understand, she has a lot on her plate, and probably isn’t trying to avoid you.

    But I know how you feel. I don’t really know how to be friends with someone very well anymore, either. Motherhood does strange things to us.

  2. Jewel/Pink Ink
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 02:08:01

    My women friends are either fellow writers or ones I know from church. But just for a social chitchat during the day, I have a hard time with that. Efficient, but I know it’d be good for me if I allowed for more socializing.

    I think it’s great that you make the effort. That’s what friendship survives on 🙂

  3. Annette
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 06:44:03

    I totally get this. I’m not the brightest social bulb out there, and I don’t make friends that easily. And I especially get the need to talk to someone who “gets” you–that’s one reason I live for the days when I get together with my writing buddies, like at conferences or whatever.

    I have no idea who she is, but I hope she comes over today. 😀

  4. Kristina
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 08:19:13

    I think that people just get busy and have a lot going on. Friendships become hard to maintain once life gets in the way.

    And if you want, you can replace her with me and just stare outside my bedroom window. Or the neighbor’s. Whatever.

  5. Julie
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 08:48:32

    Just call her! But I shouldn’t say that because I HATE calling people and talking on the phone. So I completely understand….

  6. robyn
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 09:42:17

    Please let the rest of the social nitwits out there know if she comes over. Then maybe we can put our own self analysis on hold a bit and relax.

    I over analyze everything. I go over conversations again and again. I drive myself crazy over it, I can only imagine what it does to someone else. I’ve even been known to change a blog post after it’s been up a day or two. aaack.

  7. Alison Wonderland
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 11:59:56

    Well, she just called and she’s coming over. So either I’m not a complete social nit-wit (unlikely) or she hasn’t read the blog yet and she doesn’t know what a neurotic basket case I am (a near certainty). Either way, it means I have to clean this place up. Gotta go.

  8. Catherine Carlson
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 13:49:27

    You’re friends with TAMN!!!!!

  9. Melanie J
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 15:52:59

    It’s funny and a little weird how much this sounds like the inside of my head.

  10. annie valentine
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 20:16:12

    She sounds so totally cool, how awesome are you? And she actually came? You are SO LUCKY. I heard she actually doesn’t care (and kind of likes) that you’re a neurotic basket case. I think it makes her look good…

  11. bythelbs
    Dec 01, 2008 @ 23:06:28

    Now I’m dying to know who the friend is. And SHE’S lucky because I would totally love to be your just a friend friend if I didn’t live like a thousand miles away or whatever distance it actually is. I want to be a real friend! Sniff.

    Oh, and I always assume that people aren’t calling for the exact same reasons that I’m not calling unless I’m not calling because I don’t really want to talk to that person because there’s no way she isn’t calling because she doesn’t really want to talk to me because who wouldn’t want to talk to me, right? These are the things I HAVE to tell myself to get through the day.

  12. Cj
    Dec 02, 2008 @ 08:06:44

    Here’s the magical secret to life, darling sister: do what you think you should do.

    Not what you want to do, what would make you popular, or get you off the hook, not what you think someone else wants. What you should do. If it’s important, you’ll know what it is. I confess that if it isn’t important, or you are in the wrong frame of spirit, you might not be able to tell right away. In that case, just do your best. Make the call and go for it. But I know you and I trust you and your heart is good. YOU are good. So mostly, you’ll know.

  13. JustRandi
    Dec 02, 2008 @ 09:07:52

    You are amazing. It’s like you’re sitting in my head and listening to what I’m saying. I over analyze everything, but somehow it usually turns out.

    I’m so glad she called!

  14. cheryl
    Dec 02, 2008 @ 10:28:36

    Yeah, I have this friend, called Bythelbs…Oops! 🙂

    No, really, though, I get it. I think friendships are harder as we get older because there’s so much more involved and less time to be involved. We have kids and spouses and lives and jobs and housework; but the need for friendship hasn’t diminished one bit –it’s gotten to the point where friendship is needed MORE. So, we play with this cycle of “how much interaction is enough? Too much?” and it gets confusing/frustrating at times, especially since our brains are saying “It’s okay. You don’t have to be loved by everyone” but our hearts are saying “Please like me!!”

    I’m glad she’s coming over, too. 🙂

  15. Melain
    Dec 08, 2008 @ 10:35:12

    The hardest part of a grow-up friendship is getting it started. But once it’s on, a phone call in the middle of the day because you found a great YouTube video that reminded you of an inside joke from the last road trip you took together is completely normal. You have to be brave, and keep in constant contact. Texting is good; easy and uninvasive. It doesn’t take too long for every day contact to become the norm. And it’s SO WORTH IT.

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