To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

My kids don’t sleep.

It’s only in the last two years or so that we got the Princess and the Pea out of our bed (I was pregnant with Irish1 and we started locking the basement door because just locking the bedroom door wasn’t effective) but now we’ve got two more kids who think that my bed is their bed.

We’ve tried the whole “you can sleep in my room but not in my bed” thing but I ask you what do you do when you finally pull yourself to full consciousness and realize that you’ve been horribly uncomfortable and sleeping very badly for the last two hours because your child ignored you and climbed into your bed anyway and they now have a foot in your armpit and a finger in your eye?

I’ve already been up twice to feed the baby, three times to put the baby’s pacifier back in his mouth and once to make the initial “sleep on the floor” pronouncement. Which was met with weeping and wailing and not a little bit of gnashing of teeth. I could do it again but there’s sure to be a repeat performance, probably with the same underwhelming results and it’s 4:00 in the morning and all I want to do is sleep.

We’ve tried taking them (well, him really, Irish2 still sleeps in our room) back up to his own bed but first of all, we sleep in the basement, he sleeps upstairs. Stairs in the middle of the night? Seriously? I’m completely blind without my glasses (as in can’t read the bedside clock form the bed, blind) and I can’t find them in the night (because I’m blind) and I’m not really known for my coordination even when I can see, quite the opposite really. And he won’t stay unless we do and his floor is really hard. And even if we do stay until he falls asleep and quietly sneak out (a feat in and of itself given the volume of trains, cars and dinosaurs on the floor of the bedroom he shares with the Pea) and get back in bed, he’s sure to be down again in fifteen minutes or so. Just enough time for me to start to fall back to sleep…

So sometimes I just let it go. In the middle of the night I so desperate for them to sleep that I ‘ll let them do whatever works. Play with knives? Sure If that’ll do it. Guns? Will you sleep? Run with scissors? If you promise to fall down from exhaustion. I’ll even let them sleep with me.

Oh well, I suppose it could be worse. This woman‘s kids puke all the time, and this one can’t potty-train to save her life. (love you, Mel) But I’m getting really tired


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sallygirl
    May 14, 2008 @ 06:40:19

    I’m a cold, heartless witch. I make the hubs put them right back in bed because there is NO ROOM AT THE INN!!! Luckily, they’re pretty unconscious and don’t notice. Hubs is too, that’s why he gets the job.

  2. Jill
    May 14, 2008 @ 08:54:03

    Once they’re asleep, sneak into their rooms and sleep there.
    Generally, we don’t have a problem with the kids getting in our bed. We have a bigger problem of actually getting them up and out of their beds in the morning.
    (what can I say, they’re not morning people…… me)

  3. melanie
    May 14, 2008 @ 09:13:12

    i love you too, and i don’t know that i would trade one for the other! i love your blog! its funny!

  4. Tausha
    May 14, 2008 @ 09:59:18

    found your blog-not sure how-anyway i really enjoy it. You are a nicer mom than I-my kids get kicked out-down the hall and in their own room-if they don’t-they face the wrath of of the sleeping witch!

    Where is your novel? I have a uncle who is a publisher-maybe I could help you out. Come on by adn say hello-look forward to more lurking! 🙂 j/k firsttime here adn i left a comment. Yes, you are welcome!

  5. Heidi
    May 14, 2008 @ 23:11:07

    Yeah, I think it defeats the purpose of taking them right back to their beds when you don’t even notice they came in until three hours later when they crack you in the head with an elbow. That’s my problem.

    If you figure it out, let me know, because I am clueless! Thanks for your comment on my blog!

  6. Jabe
    May 15, 2008 @ 01:28:30

    I’m right there with sallygirl and Tausha. It’s a strict no tolerance policy on that issue. Alexa used to ask if she could sleep in my bed every night and the answer was always “No.” That fact never dissuaded her from asking, but it also kept her sleeping in her own bed. I know it’s not as simple as that (what is?), but…

  7. Jennifer
    May 17, 2008 @ 11:07:25

    I am now liking them coming into bed becasue it gives me an excuse to sleep in the family room which is nice an quiet and does not feature my hubby’s snoring.

  8. Allison
    May 17, 2008 @ 19:59:36

    I have been there a million times. I still fight the “in my room (to get *some* sleep), but not in my bed (again, so there is *some* sleep)” battle. I have yet to find anything other than time that works to fix it.

    I really enjoy reading your blog. Your writing is so fresh and entertaining, and I can relate to almost everything you say!

  9. bythelbs
    May 17, 2008 @ 20:41:07

    I feel your pain. Our almost 3 year old climbs into our bed every night. It doesn’t help that she shares a room with her two older sisters, so a) whenever they make a noise they wake her up and b) we can’t leave her in her room to cry herself to sleep.

    If only she were old enough to bribe. She just doesn’t care about any of that stuff yet. If she only knew—I would pay almost anything!

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