Run Faster Than a Locamotive, Jump Tall Buildings in a Single Bound

I had a roommate in college who always told the greatest stories. They were interesting and funny and always came to the perfect entertaining conclusion. It wasn’t until we had lived together for about six months that I realized why that was.

She was telling a story to some mutual friends when I realized that I had been there when that particular anecdote happened. And it hadn’t happened the way she was telling it. Not that it was completely wrong, she had just rearranged a few things, added and deleted some details, that kind of thing. I realized this about the time she was bringing her story to the perfect humorous conclusion and I turned to her and said, “that’s not how that happened.”

“I know,” she replied, without batting an eye, “but I like the story better this way.”

Bear that in mind when reading my posts, the way I write it may not be exactly the way it happened but I like the story better this way. Besides, I’m a novelist, not an essayist. What do you expect?

(There was some discussion on MMW about the following and kids here, I don’t think I chimed in then but I did know that Sean has some weirdness in this area. I just didn’t think it was quite this bad.)

I was going through the credit card statement yesterday, trying to figure out how on earth we could possibly owe as much as the number at the top says that we do, and I saw a few charges that I knew weren’t mine.

“$100 on Ebay?” I asked Sean.

“I bought some mumble mumble mumble,” he says. “But I’ve got some stuff I’m going to list.”

He’s always got some stuff he’s going to list. Sometimes he even lists it. Sometimes not. But I didn’t pursue it because another charge caught my eye.

“$72 to” I ask.

“Yeah,” Sean says, not elaborating.

“On what?” I ask.

“What? you want a bottle?” Sean’s attention is fixed on Irish1. He holds out his hand, Irish1 takes it and they exit the room.

About five minutes later when Irish1 is happily drinking his bottle. I ask again.

“$72 on”

“Here, let me load up the game for you.” He holds out his hand for the Princess and the Pea because obviously they can’t load a playstation 2 game on their own. And apparently doing so requires his whole concentration, because he still doesn’t answer me.

A few minutes later, the Princess and the Pea both happily occupied playing Sly 3, Irish1 happily drinking his bottle, I try again. “What did you buy on for $72?”

“You remember,” he says “I bought those socks but they were the wrong ones so I sent them back and they sent me the right ones.”

I don’t remember, (who can keep track of his socks?) but this is one charge, not two and there’s no refund and recharge so apparently there was no difference in price on the “right” socks. Which means… he spent $72 on… SOCKS?!!!!! I’m grasping for something to say. Several very rude and sarcastic options come to mind. In the interest of my marriage I say nothing.

I can’t stop myself though, from mentioning it to my sisters on facebook. (We have a group there and we chat on a daily, if not hourly, basis.)

“How many socks?” They ask.

Well, that’s a good point maybe it was a lot of socks, I doubt it, but maybe it was.

So that night I ask him, “how many socks did you get for $72 on”

L-O-N-G pause. Sigh. “Eight,” he finally says.

8?? Eight!!!! There’s only one way 8 socks are worth $72.

“Do these socks give you superpowers?”


Ok, so that last part didn’t happen but the rest of it I promise, cross my heart and hope to die, is true. After he told me 8, OK it might have been 8 pair (which is still way too much to spend on socks) I actually didn’t say anything at all.

But I like the story better the other way.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bythelbs
    Apr 14, 2008 @ 21:42:54

    I think you need to go back and actually ask, “Do these socks give you superpowers?” $9 a pair?! There’s likely some exorbitant shipping charges in there, but still. Dude.

  2. Desi
    Apr 15, 2008 @ 15:49:42

    You are a better wife than me because I think I would have had to say something, and it probably would not have been as clever as the super powers comment.

    I recently became enlighted with the powers of facebook and I’m loving it, but do tell…how do you have a group chat on there?

  3. Jabe
    Apr 17, 2008 @ 15:24:43

    I think you should change his blog name to Chone.
    Believe it or not, it’s pronounced just like Sean.

  4. Mother of the Wild Boys
    Mar 21, 2009 @ 19:46:09

    $9 a pair? OMGosh, our DH’s are cut from the same damn mold!

  5. Sean
    Nov 29, 2009 @ 15:43:14

    I really wish I’d been reading this blog all along so that i could have defended myself through all of this abuse that I’ve taken when I was not reading your blog. I think it only right to point out that 18 months on I still have all eight pairs of socks, not one of which has a hole in it, and that the previous 25 pairs of socks before that didn’t last me 18 months, and I spent at least $72 on them if not more, so what do you have to say about that?????

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