Oh, You Wanted Something Permanent? October 26, 2009

I got some comments with my last post that cereal (two FULL bags of cereal that I BOUGHT!) wasn’t really that big of a deal, it wasn’t permanent after all, it could just be vacuumed up (and by “just” here we mean with at least three separate vacuumings.)

And so, for your viewing pleasure, I give you the Sharpie artwork: (All artwork was produced by the Baby.)

Yes, that’s Sharpie on the carpet too. And on the carpet there.

And that’s just the walls (and carpet) there’s also this: this:

and this: And these: And my personal favorite, the hearth:

I just don’t bother to get mad about the Sharpie anymore.

No, I don’t just have markers lying around the house all the time, 90% of the time I can not figure out where he got the marker that he’s using, but if there’s one in the building he’ll find it (last week he found 2 (TWO!) within the first five minutes of being in church.)

P.S. All walls with Sharpie on them were painted within the last year.

While I Was Upstairs Cleaning the Playroom… October 22, 2009

… the Irish Twins were taking care of the living room:

(The fact that the Infantile Delinquent isn’t pictured does not mean he wasn’t involved (it means he was upstairs changing his underwear.))

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Sometimes people joke with me about having more kids.

I don’t really think it’s funny.

Hey, Give Me a Break, I Wasn’t a Boy Scout October 3, 2009

My brother got re-baptized last night.   I’m told it went great.  I don’t know, I wasn’t there.

I did intend to be there but , well, part of it was my fault.  I got the email from my brother and I read far enough to see that there was an address and at that point I stopped reading so I didn’t realize that the address included a street name rather than a number and that the stake center would probably require actual directions (which were offered for the low low price of a return email) rather than the ability to navigate the streets of Lehi (which I learned last night is not easy as the streets which should run north-south don’t).  So I didn’t know where we were going.

And then we left a little late.  Not very late, not even late enough to really be late just past the time I like to have for a cushion.

And the traffic was unbelievable.  I don’t usually have a lot of sympathy for people who don’t take traffic into account.  I mean come on, there’s always traffic right?  But I didn’t really expect it at 6:30 on a Friday night.  (I think I failed to take the fact that it’s conference weekend so all those crazy mormons are getting out of town into account.)

So we left late(ish) and we didn’t know where we were going.  That still wouldn’t have been too big of a deal for most of you.  But Sean and I are not most of you and even with two of us there was not a phone to be found.  Not that a phone would have done us a lot of good considering the fact that neither of us have any more minutes on our prepaid phone plans (yes, I realize that the only people who have prepaid phone plans are 6th graders, shut up).

So we made it to Lehi (finally) about 15 minutes after the baptism was supposed to start and it was just about at that point that the Baby woke up and proceeded to do a surprisingly accurate impression of a Nazgul screaming (You know that scream your baby can do where you think the your skull may actually crack open and your brain, which has been converted to a liquid form by the sound waves, will come pouring out your eye sockets?  That’s the one.)  So we drove around, not lost exactly but unable to find where we were going, with the nazgul screaming for about 25 minutes at which point I was ready to give up (we had surely missed the baptism anyway) but I was not going to drive all the way home with the Baby screaming like that.

So we decided to go to my other brother, Chris’s.  He was surely not home (he was the one performing the baptism afterall) but knowing him as I do, I knew that the house would not be locked and he would be delighted to be of assistance (especially when it required nothing on his part).

So we went to Chris’s house and as expected  the front door was not locked.  Open entering the house I noticed that someone had burnt dinner and that there were mattresses in the entryway (I never did get an explanation for that one, but he does have 8 kids so I guess I can come up with one on my own).  Proceeding into the house the smell of burning increased and I was thinking that whoever burnt dinner had done a really through job of it.  And then I got to the kitchen where I found my self crunching on a lot or debris.  Now, as I mentioned, Chris has 8 kids so debris on the kitchen floor is not unexpected (especially when I , as a guest am unexpected) but this took “I need to sweep the floor” to a whole other level.  And then I realized that it was glass on the floor oh and that there was the remnants of a pan of chocolate chip cookie bars smoking on the stove.

Apparently, the chocolate chip cookies that had been made for the reception after the baptism, and then left at home, had been left on a burner on the stove that had been left on.  The pyrex pan that had held the cookie bars had exploded at some point before my entrance on the scene and the remaining cookie on the stove was making an attempt at  going up in flames.

So I’m not saying that the Lord made me do it (you know, be late and unprepared) but well, it may not have been the devil either.

Step Away From the Mouse September 17, 2009

I won again.

This time it’s a good thing.  The Baby has learned to climb out of his crib and the resultant lack of sleep is doing bad things to all of us (not to mention that that kid has to be watched every second and now I can’t even relax at nights and naptimes) so I bid on, and won, a tent for the crib that should keep him in.  So that’s a positive.

But while I was on eBay’s site I figured I might as well look at belay devices.  You know, not that I’m going to buy one or anything, just to look right?

Will you look at that that some guy is selling two of them and the bidding’s only to $10.50.  $10.50! FOR TWO?!?  That’s a sensational price!  They’re $20 easy on their own.  How can I pass that up?

Apparently I can’t.  I bid on that one too (the auction closes at 11:00 tonight so here’s hoping).

And then maybe I’ll look at ropes.  I didn’t buy any but… well, it’s pretty tempting.  And then there’s the shoes (I have an email in to a girl selling on craig’s list) and carabiners and the quickdraws and SERIOUSLY WILL SOMEONE PLEASE GET ME AWAY FROM THE FREAKING COMPUTER!!!!!

On a related note I did send a note to the harness seller asking if she would could down on the price.  She said that she couldn’t, that it really would cost her about that much and she’d only make $1 or $2 on the deal.  (She also said something about the postmaster at her post office having made her husband open a package once to prove that it was media so that he could send it media mail.  Is that even legal?)  Anyway, the thing about postage is that the receiver always knows what the sender spent.  And in this case, with the $15 that I paid her to send my harness she spent $6.45.  So she really only made $1 or $2 or $8.50 on the shipping (and that’s considerable when you take into account the fact that I only paid $24.99 for the thing).  Whatever.  Maybe it’ll teach me to pay closer attention in the future.

Speaking of, I wonder what the belay devices are going to cost to ship???

The End is Near July 24, 2009

I hope you have your food storage in order because you’re going to need it.  Soon. 

How soon? You ask.

Well, no one knows the day or the hour but I’ve been watching the signs and I’d say you’d better make sure you have enough Morning Moo for the family within the next few days, a week at the most.

How do I know? Well, let me tell you.

I went hiking today. And if that’s not a sign of the end of days I don’t know what is.

For those of you who don’t know me very well or who haven’t known me for more than a year, let me ’splain.  I’m not really what you would call the outdoorsy type.  I was raised with the belief that mankind had been through thousands of years of technological advances so that I wouldn’t have to sleep on the ground, or share my meals with the flies or *ahem* cook over an open flame (my father was resistant even to grilling) and so that I could have things like indoor plumbing and computers.  And that’s a belief that I proudly held for years.

Until this year when I made a resolution to take my family, my kids specifically, on some kind of vacation this year.  To begin with I was thinking Disney and then I looked up prices for Disney.  So then I was thinking … I don’t know, something else but well, frankly I couldn’t afford that either.  You know what I could afford?  Camping.  So I took a deep breath; got off my high horse (figuratively as I’ve never actually ridden a horse) and took the kids camping.  We’ve been twice and with the notable exception of the lantern attack it’s gone really well.  Well enough that we were planning on going again this weekend, to a campground that’s far(ish) away, for two nights.  This is serious commitment people!

Unfortunately, the Infantile Delinquent choose Wednesday night to spend puking and Thursday to be feverish and snuggly (which is semi-delightful for a mom but mostly really sad.) Not to be outdone, The Baby spent the majority of Thursday night screaming and  when Sean broke down and took him in to the ER (at about 2:30 this morning) we discovered that he had two enormous ulcers running down his throat (apparently this is somewhat common and not a sign of anything other than a lot of pain for the next few days).  We got him some meds and his pain seems to be fairly well managed but there wass no way I was taking him camping, especially not someplace far(ish) from home, with something like that going on.

So camping’s out at least for tonight, but my kids have just been sitting around the house for three weeks.  And while that’s really short for a summer break (as previously discussed) it’s plenty of time for the intake of Suite Life on Deck to reach critical levels.  I had to get them out of the house.  I had to get out of the house.  And because Sean hasn’t been paid in about a month (and because I’m cheap and we had already paid for a campsite that we’re not using) it had to be something free.

Walking’s free.

So I took my two oldest kids and we hiked.  We did the Silver Lake loop and just like the reviews I read, it was steep (and that sucked) but actually, it wasn’t too bad.  The kids whined a fair amount and they were each reduced to tears at least once, but I figure that’s about par for the course.  It’s four(ish) miles and we did it in a little under three hours and no one died or even ended up very seriously maimed.  So altogether I’m calling it a win.

But seriously, if I were you I’d make sure I had my affairs in order.  Just in case.

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Since you asked:

If you look close you can see the cut from the lantern-> Poor sick Baby

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes July 20, 2009

Or maybe it’s just more of the same.

My kids go back to school next week.  This isn’t so much of a change as it is a question “Where the heck did summer go?”  Yes my kids are on year-round (no, I don’t hate it.  I don’t love it but I don’t hate it.) but a three week summer break is patently ridiculous.    I don’t need three months like I got way back when I was a kid but three weeks?  Come on!

So the elder of the Wonderkids go back to school the end of July and then the middle of August my job’s changing.  The official word was a long time coming, more than a month, and for a while there I had given up, thinking that the job I wanted had been given to someone else but I found out the middle of last week that I got the job I had applied for.   (A job that my boss apparently wanted me to have badly enough that he wrote a proposal for corporate to change the position so that I could work it.)  So beginning the middle of August I get to drop one of my night shifts and my day shift (and pick up three more call shifts) which frees up my time such that I can go back to school too!

At the moment I’m registered for two classes but I may be adding a third after I have a little sit down with my academic adviser about which classes I actually have to take and if that goes well then there’s a very outside chance that I’d start the actual nursing program in May.  I’m not planning on that but I am at least headed somewhere rather than just waiting.  I hate waiting.

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It happened.  I’ve resisted for so long but I finally broke down and started tweeting.   (So I guess you can follow me here.)  I should have known that the tour would be my downfall.

Which brings me to:  bonne chance Alberto!!

Welcome to My Home, Licking or Non? June 9, 2009

Remember back before we shot our kids up with all kinds of immunizations for diseases that aren’t really all that dangerous and people used to have chickenpox parties. You know, little Timmy down the block would come down with the pox and all the other mothers would bring their kidlets over to play with Timmy because chicken pox are so much easier to deal with and so much less dangerous in little kids than in adults. So all these mothers would intentionally infect their kids with this disease so that they could get it over with.

Well, we went camping this weekend, something that my sister thought that I should have posted about because nobody even died or fell in the river or died or anything. And I’m happy to report that that was true, no one did die or fall in the river (which was especially amazing because we camped right by the river). But see, while it’s amazing that no one died or fell in the river there’s not really much to tell there. In fact, that’s about all there is to tell you, no one died or fell in the river. Someone dying or falling in the river actually makes a much better story. So it’s unlucky for the blog, but lucky for me and mine, that it didn’t happen.

Apparently I got distracted, where was I? Oh yes.

So we went camping and we came home a day early because it was cold up there. Really freaking cold up there. And the kids were coughing, the Infantile Delinquent especially. So we came home and he was just lying on me. And coughing.  And crying. And lying on me. And coughing. And I started to get a little worried.

So I gave him a little ibuprofen and then I took him to the instacare.

When will I learn not to do that?!!! Here’s this kid who’s been lying around, hardly able to lift his head, all day and a teaspoon of the magical elixir later he’s bouncing off the walls.  So I look like the freak mother who’s worried because her child is “sick” only he doesn’t look sick and he doesn’t act sick.

At least he was still coughing.

The doctor was very nice, she said his lungs sounded fine and that there was a good chance that what he had was the “new” flu which is what we’re calling the swine flu now because calling it swine flu is injurious to the swine and calling it H1N1 just sounds stupid.  So we have the “new” flu now but what were’ going to do when there’s a newer flu I just don’t know.  Because calling something the “newer” flu sounds even stupider than calling something H1N1.  In fact, I think there ought to be someone in charge of naming diseases.  Wouldn’t that be a great job? I would like that job.  Just think of the revenge you could exact on old boyfriends, the high school government teacher who almost failed you, that guy who cut you off on the freeway (except that I don’t really have his name.  Maybe I could cultivate a friendship with someone at the DMV…)

And now to get back to the point.

Apparently, they’re seeing a lot of people with the flu. “Flu season-like numbers” in fact. And 85% of the flu patients they’re seeing have the “new” flu. (Although how they’re getting those numbers I’m not sure since they’re not testing for it anymore, and my understanding is that they stopped testing for it because the numbers were so high. Which doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense to me but there it is.) My brother’s even (probably) got it and he didn’t even get it from my kids (although he’s got 8 of his own so he doesn’t really need mine to infect him with anything.) But the doctor told me that it’s mostly staying upper-respiratory and lingering for a while and then going away.  And the best way to deal with it is just to get lots of rest and drink lots of fluids.

But then she made a good point, she said that she’d rather get the flu now when it’s relatively mild and then when it goes around this winter and it’s killing people off she’ll be immune.

So I say come on over and I’ll have the InfaDel give you a lick (as if I could stop him). Let’s have a good old fashioned flu party.

Forever in Mom Jeans June 3, 2009

There are some things I don’t mind about getting older, I care a lot less about what people think of me, I’m in charge of making dinner so I don’t have to suffer through meals that I don’t like (in theory at least, this doesn’t always seem to work out), I’m in charge of my own bed time.  But I went on a field trip with the Princess on Tuesday and I gotta tell you, I just don’t know when I got to be so old.

The field trip was a “rewards” activity for all the kids in the school who are consistently well behaved (the Pea did NOT go on this field trip) and it was at a local “fun center” kind of place.  The kids skated, and rode the bumper cars and rode the little rides and I followed along and watched.  Which was fine.  So then the Princess and her two little friends wanted to go on one of those octopus kind of rides, you know, the ones with multiple arms and it lifts and spins around and the individual cars can spin as well.  This used to be my favorite kind of ride.  Through my early teen years I was terrified of actual coasters so when I went to Kings Dominion (the local amusement park) I stuck with the spinney rides.  And I never had a moment’s problem.

Yesterday, as we were waiting in line for the ride one of the Princess’s friends asked me if I was going to be OK on the ride.  Actually, “you’re not going to get sick like my dad does are you?” was what she asked.  And I thought, certainly not, I love these rides.  And surely, I’m not as old and infirm as your father.

So our turn came and we got in our little car and as we were waiting for the gal who was running the ride to come over and lock our door the little girls were spinning the car,  and spinning the car, and spinning the car.  And it became very obvious that if I rode this ride things were not going to end well.

I gave the girls the choice.  I could ride with them and they could NOT spin the car, or I could get out and watch.

And I have to say that the ride didn’t even really look all that fun.

Would You Like a List of My Grievances? May 9, 2009

I don’t have one.  I don’t even really have any grievances.  I just haven’t really been up to… contact.

But I have been thinking a lot.

I have a friend, a gal I grew up with (she was about three years older than me but she had a little sister who was my age and I had sisters her age and her family was in the ward, you know the drill) who died last weekend.  Of the flu.  No, not the swine flu, just the plain old flu.  She had three sons 9,6,and 3.  What do you say about that?

I have the same stinking back pain.  Again.  (Still not pregnant.)  And every time I try to stand I feel like the muscles in my back somehow forgot how to hold me upright.

We’re still planning on trying to move but there are still all these people in my house who keep eating, and wearing clothes and peeing in the toilets (and let’s face it, on the floor) and … And it’s difficult.

Sean has been very helpful and overall fantastic about all the chores we have for the selling the house prep.

The Princess turned 9.  Isn’t she amazing and gorgeous?

Isn’t that cake amazing and gorgeous?  My sister made it.  It was delicious too.

My friend Annie, who’s also amazing and gorgeous see: (I couldn’t help it, it’s my favorite picture of her.  Ok Fine,) came over to help me with the birthday party we had for the Princess.  She came right in and took over, doing the hair and make-up of five 9ish year olds.  By the end of the party, heck five minutes into the party, she was their god.

Me?  I was their plaything:

The Infantile Delinquent turned 3.

I just love (and by love I mean loathe) having a three year old.

But I have to admit he does rock pretty freakin’ hard:

And now I’m all blogged out.  Adieu.

A Post About YOU! Oh, No sorry, That’s U. April 19, 2009

My very dear bloggy friend bythelbs did a letter post.  And then she asked if we all wanted to do letter posts too and being the sheep that I am I said I did.  So she assigned me a letter.  The letter U to be exact.  And while coming up with ten things I like that start with the letter U may not be the easiest thing I’ve ever done it is, well… Oh enough with the intro already.

Underwear.  Or unders as we call them here in the Wonderland.  Because once one of the Wonderkids is in unders that means that they’re not in diapers anymore.  And that makes us all happy.  (I’ll also include here Underoos.  if I had a scanner I’d insert a great picture that I have of myself Christmas morning of probably, 1982ish, in my Wonder Woman Underoos that I wore daily everywhere I went.  Sadly, I don’t have a scanner so we’re going to move on ok?)

Ukulele.  Actually, I really am a legitimate fan of the ukulele, my dad has one, has had my whole life, and some of my fondest memories of my childhood are of nights that he would get it down and play it.

Oh and here’s a youtube video of a guy playing “while my ukulele gently weeps”.  Because who can resist that? 

Umbrella.  I love the rain.  I grew up in a land of frequent, amazing, violent storms and I always loved them.   Which makes the fact that I live in this rain forsaken desert (except for last week) all the sadder.  I miss my entire summers of “hazy hot and humid with a chance of thundershowers later in the afternoon.”

Urgent.  It may be a little bloodthirsty of me but I love a good emergency at work.  I like the adrenaline rush, I like the feeling that what I’m doing actually makes a difference, I like knowing that I’m doing what I do better than I did even six months ago; and I don’t really get any of that taking out tonsils.

Upside-down.  I like to see things from a different perspective.  Some of you may have seen pictures of me at the top of the Stratosphere in Las Vegas (heck, some of you saw me there in person) and while I was there, this is what I did. I know the two pictures look almost identical but if you look closely (at anything other than me) you’ll see that they’re not.  It’s just that I spent most of my time there in that position and I could have stayed there all day.  It was the whole city from a new angle.  I love that.  (And yes, the little sign next to me does say “Do Not Lean On Glass”  I wasn’t leaning on the glass I was leaning on the frame.  Give me a break will ya?)

Ubiquitous.  Because who doesn’t love Angela Lansbury?

Uniform.  Because who doesn’t love a guy in uniform?

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Oh wait…

Underdogs.  I know it’s not PC but I can’t help it,  I grew up in DC, I’ll always be a Redskins fan.

Urban.  I’m a city girl.  I”ve never ridden a horse or touched a cow and I’m not that sad about that.  The smallest town I’ve ever lived in was Provo and I’m gonna be honest, it kinda freaked me out (that may have been more about the fact that it was Provo than the size of the town but be that as it may…) My in-laws, a lot of them, are small town people and I think that’s great.  But I just can’t function properly in a town where the only pizza place is closed at 8:05 on a Saturday night. It’s not that I’m going to order the pizza,  I just like to have the option.

Uh.  I give up.