Today Alison Wonderland is: October 12, 2009

Wearing too much eye makeup.  Because she can.

Refusing to let her nutrition grade bring down her GPA.  (Because c’mon it’s freaking nutrition!)

Wearing too much, too dark lipstick.

Trying to get her stupid washing machine to drain.

Wearing her, oft stained, Death Cab For Cutie t-shirt (I got the blood out, no problem but the chocolate ice cream, well, don’t look too closely.)

Wondering if she would have done better on her nutrition quiz if her children had not been screaming in the background.

Wearing classic boot cut jeans even though her skinny tapered jeans would really complete the look (see above mentions of too much eye makeup, too much dark lipstick, Death Cab t-shirt) a lot  better.  (Some might say that she’s not wearing her skinny tapered jeans because she doesn’t own any skinny tapered jeans but I’m sticking with the idea that she’s trying to make a statement.)

Going to be late for school because her babysitter didn’t show up in time.  AGAIN.

Is it Getting Hot in Here? August 12, 2009

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while but the only time I really have for this sort of thing is when I’m at work (how bad does that sound?) and the computer I use when I’m at work has this psycho browser, security, no porn software stuff (what the heck do they call that stuff anyway? I always call it net nanny because that’s what we have here on the computers at home and I happen to be the administrator, so in theory anyway, I can look at all the porn I want because I hold the keys …) but it’s a computer that I got from my brother and his wife is the administrator so I don’t know the password and it’s a lot more strict than my browser, security, no porn software stuff (or “net nanny” as I like to call it) so, sadly, no porn for me.  At work anyway.

But I digress (how shocked are you?) the point is that this post needs to include a lot of pictures, many of which I cannot view on the laptop with the psycho browser, security, no porn software stuff (not that it’s porn or anything, that thing blocks some very innocuous stuff, like twitter) and so, without further ado (because I think we’ve had plenty of that already) I give you…in no particular order… the guys that I love.

First and foremost, we have, of course Jason Statham:  I feel like I should mention here that it’s not so much that I think he’s the best looking guy ever (although he’ll do in a pinch) it’s that he’s such a… a man.  Y’ know?

Oh and speaking of manly men, I also love Micheal Westen : again, not the hottest guy around (although I’m a pretty big fan of this picture) but hello, he’s like some super spy guy who has a soft spot for his kick a– girlfriend ( I should probably mention here that when I say Micheal Westen, I mean Micheal Westen.  I do not mean Jeffrey Donovan, who’s the guy who plays Micheal Westen (and also the bad guy, Vance Somebody, in Hitch) I do recognize that Micheal Westen is a fictitious character but, hello, it’s not like I’m going to meet these guys anyway, I can love the not real guy just as well as I can love the real guy I’m never going to meet.  And it’s safer that way anyway.)  (Oh and speaking of his kick a– girlfriend, there’s a possibility that I have a slight girl crush going on there too: PS If you don’t watch Burn Notice, you really should.

Moving on.

Then there’s Brendan Fraser: To be fair, I have no idea whether I would like the actual man named Brendan Fraser at all but I like just about every character that he plays (I’m not saying that he’s the best actor either, just that I like his characters, get it?) And hello, did you see him in George of the Jungle? (One of the stuidest movies ever made but, Oh boy…)

Which brings me to Paul Bettany: (That brings me to Paul Bettany because I watched InkHeart with both Brendan Fraser and Paul Bettany just last night.) Ok, so Paul’s hot, but unlike some of the other gentlemen featured here, he’s also an amazing actor!  Seriously, think about it, he was the evil father in Secret Life of Bees, and the cute funny tennis pro in Wimbledon and the imaginary friend in A Beautiful Mind and the fire juggling guy in InkHeart and Jeffrey Chauser in A Knights Tale and… Well he’s good.

Oh and speaking of A Knight’s Tale, there’s always Heath Ledger: Now, I’m not trying to say that I loved Heath Ledger before anyone else loved Heath Ledger, but I would like to let it be known that He was my boyfriend before Jason Statham was my boyfriend.  I’ve loved Heath since way back in the 10 Things I Hate About You days.  So there.

And then there’s Don Cheadle: and Jason Bourne: and Mal Reynolds: and Alan Tudyk: (although that may be more Wash than it is Alan) and well, more.  But there you have it.  A short list of the guys that I love.

How about you?  Who’s on your list?

Outdoorsy Hijinks (As Promised) July 12, 2009

Saturday, just after noon Sean and I loaded up the kids and the gear, as an aside can I just ask why SO MUCH gear is necessary?  Honestly, we were planning on one night and we had the back of the van full and then more stuff on the floor in front of the little kids and then more stuff packed in next to the bigger kids and then, MORE stuff on the floor in front of me and then… Anyway, it’s ridiculous.  So we loaded up the kids and the gear and headed up big cottonwood canyon to spruces campground.  By the time we got there, at 1:00ish on a Saturday afternoon I was afraid that there wouldn’t be any good sites left.  But there were and we got an amazing site right in the middle of the campground but weirdly all alone.  We had a ton of space and there were little trails and creeks (pronounced cricks, of course) and it was great.

So we got everything all set up and had some lunch and the kids ran around on the trails and “accidentally” stepped and then fell into the creeks (cricks)  and by about 3:45 I was sleepy (The fact that I had stayed up until 1:30 the night before my have contributed to my fatigue but I doubt it).  So I asked Sean if he minded keeping an eye on the kidlets while I had a little lie down.  He did mind (I know I would have) but he told me to go anyway (isn’t he great?) so I went to the tent to have my little lie down.  roughly half an hour later I was awoken by a crash.  For a moment I was stunned first because I didn’t know that I had fallen asleep and then because my face really hurt.  I sat up to feel blood streaming down my face and more pain.

The lantern that I had hung in the center of the tent when setting up our little home away from home had fallen from its hook, landing, and near as I can tell, right between my eyes.

I had a cut, a pretty good deep one, just above my right eye, another on the right side of my nose and for a little while there I thought my nose was broken.

We got me cleaned up and looked at the cut trying to decide if it needed stitches, or maybe just a butterfly only there were no butterflies in the stupid first aid kit that we had. We looked around to make sure that we hadn’t missed any injuries and then I decided to drive down to my hospital (it was only about 20 minutes away after all) and at least get some more, better supplies, at best get someone to sew me up.

Well, I didn’t get anyone to sew me up but I did get some glue and a steri-strip and some ibuprofen.  I decided that my nose wasn’t broken despite the audible crunching of cartilage (it was only the septum and there’s nothing they can do about that anyway) and headed back up to the campsite.

Where we had dinner and s’mores and went to bed and got up and look at that, I’m fine.  (Although sadly, I’m not sure that I’ll be able to get the blood out of my Death Cab for Cutie t-shirt.  And the lantern is broken and probably not salvageable.)

But given the fact that I now have this head lac and a nose lac and a swollen nose and my left eye is black (well, ok, not black but blueish) and I walked around all week last week with a goose egg and then a bruise and then a yellow and green fading bruise (that’s when they really look the best, I think ) on my forehead (I walked into my front door, I swear it)  I’m waiting for someone to sit me down and tell me that I don’t have to stay with an abuser.

Oh and the kids had a great time.

Forever in Mom Jeans June 3, 2009

There are some things I don’t mind about getting older, I care a lot less about what people think of me, I’m in charge of making dinner so I don’t have to suffer through meals that I don’t like (in theory at least, this doesn’t always seem to work out), I’m in charge of my own bed time.  But I went on a field trip with the Princess on Tuesday and I gotta tell you, I just don’t know when I got to be so old.

The field trip was a “rewards” activity for all the kids in the school who are consistently well behaved (the Pea did NOT go on this field trip) and it was at a local “fun center” kind of place.  The kids skated, and rode the bumper cars and rode the little rides and I followed along and watched.  Which was fine.  So then the Princess and her two little friends wanted to go on one of those octopus kind of rides, you know, the ones with multiple arms and it lifts and spins around and the individual cars can spin as well.  This used to be my favorite kind of ride.  Through my early teen years I was terrified of actual coasters so when I went to Kings Dominion (the local amusement park) I stuck with the spinney rides.  And I never had a moment’s problem.

Yesterday, as we were waiting in line for the ride one of the Princess’s friends asked me if I was going to be OK on the ride.  Actually, “you’re not going to get sick like my dad does are you?” was what she asked.  And I thought, certainly not, I love these rides.  And surely, I’m not as old and infirm as your father.

So our turn came and we got in our little car and as we were waiting for the gal who was running the ride to come over and lock our door the little girls were spinning the car,  and spinning the car, and spinning the car.  And it became very obvious that if I rode this ride things were not going to end well.

I gave the girls the choice.  I could ride with them and they could NOT spin the car, or I could get out and watch.

And I have to say that the ride didn’t even really look all that fun.

Would You Like a List of My Grievances? May 9, 2009

I don’t have one.  I don’t even really have any grievances.  I just haven’t really been up to… contact.

But I have been thinking a lot.

I have a friend, a gal I grew up with (she was about three years older than me but she had a little sister who was my age and I had sisters her age and her family was in the ward, you know the drill) who died last weekend.  Of the flu.  No, not the swine flu, just the plain old flu.  She had three sons 9,6,and 3.  What do you say about that?

I have the same stinking back pain.  Again.  (Still not pregnant.)  And every time I try to stand I feel like the muscles in my back somehow forgot how to hold me upright.

We’re still planning on trying to move but there are still all these people in my house who keep eating, and wearing clothes and peeing in the toilets (and let’s face it, on the floor) and … And it’s difficult.

Sean has been very helpful and overall fantastic about all the chores we have for the selling the house prep.

The Princess turned 9.  Isn’t she amazing and gorgeous?

Isn’t that cake amazing and gorgeous?  My sister made it.  It was delicious too.

My friend Annie, who’s also amazing and gorgeous see: (I couldn’t help it, it’s my favorite picture of her.  Ok Fine,) came over to help me with the birthday party we had for the Princess.  She came right in and took over, doing the hair and make-up of five 9ish year olds.  By the end of the party, heck five minutes into the party, she was their god.

Me?  I was their plaything:

The Infantile Delinquent turned 3.

I just love (and by love I mean loathe) having a three year old.

But I have to admit he does rock pretty freakin’ hard:

And now I’m all blogged out.  Adieu.

Cliff Diving February 4, 2009

1. I used to love that computer game, Lemmings.  I would play it for hours which is very not like me as far as video game type things go but I loved it because it wasn’t so much about eye-hand coordination (of which I have nearly none) but more about problem solving and puzzles which I love.

2. Until about a year ago I didn’t have any friends (like friends that you’d go out to dinner or a movie with) to whom I was not related in one way or another.  (Since college, not ever, c’mon, I’m not a total social leper.)

That being said,

3. I’m not a people person.  I mean I’m really not a people person.  I’ve lost jobs due to my lack of people personness.

4. That doesn’t bother me.

5. I love to sing and I think I have a pretty good voice.  In fact I think I have a really good voice but I can hardly ever bring myself to say that because I feel like I’m showing off.  Which is also why I don’t ever volunteer to sing and why I sometimes even make people force me to sing even though I really want to do it.  It’s stupid and I know it but I have a lot of trouble getting over it just the same.

6. I secretly believe that I’m the second best female singer in my family (that doesn’t sound like a big deal but, trust me, it is).

7. I also secretly think that each girl in my family, with the exception of Catherine, thinks she’s the second best female singer in the family.

While I’m on that topic.

8. I also think that if I had the training Catherine does I could be as good as she is.

9. I would describe myself as sporty.

10. I engage in NO sports.

11. I was 30 before I realized that I wasn’t lazy.  Which is really weird because I’m still only 29, for the third year in a row.  (And while we’re on that topic let me say that I get where you’re coming from when you say that thirty is great and it’s better than being in your 20s because it’s like you’re a real adult somehow or something.  I get that.  But I still don’t feel like a real adult.  I know I have a full time job and four kids and a mortgage and all that jazz but I work with all these doctors so there’s still a little bit of I’m just a little kid and you’re an adult.  (Which is really weird when the doctor in question happens to be younger than I am which is happening with increasing regularity and it’s freaking me out!))  Wait, what was I doing?

Oh yeah.

12. I don’t eat cold cereal.  It’s not a religious thing or anything.  I can eat cold cereal, I have eaten cold cereal.  I just don’t really like cold cereal so I almost never eat it. (I do love Peanut Butter Crunch but I can’t eat it, it rips the inside of my mouth up.)

13. My feet have grown a quarter of a shoe size with each pregnancy.

14. I don’t have to keep all my friends separate (like Melanie J does) but I do have some friends that I probably ought to keep separate because I’m sure they won’t get along.

15.  I can’t name people out of context.  If I know you from work and I see you at the grocery store, I might recognize you, I might smile and say hello and carry on a whole conversation.  But I will not say your name because I will not be able to figure out what it is.

16. I would much rather build something than clean something.

17.  I haven’t cleaned a bathroom in well over a year.  (That may be more about Sean and the Princess than it is about me (In fact Sean asked me the other day if he would have to actually die before I’d clean the bathroom again.  I said yes.) but I’m putting it out there anyway.)

18. I sometimes like the idea of pets (although the reality of hair and messes and… is always unacceptable) but mostly not.

19. I don’t drink any sodas of any kind.  Again it’s not that I haven’t ever it’s just that I don’t like carbonation, I never have (frankly, I find it kind of painful) so I never developed a taste for it.

20. I used to drink vinegar.

21. When I was pregnant with the Pea people would tell me that they hoped it would be a boy so that I could be done.  People, if I’m going to be done at two, I’m going to be done at two.  End of story.  (Typing that out I realized that they could have been saying that they hoped I was done because I’m a bad mother or something.  I’m going to pretend I didn’t realize that.)  It was a boy.  I had two more.

22. I can identify different brands of chocolate entirely by taste.  I’m told that would make me really good at wine tasting. *Shrug*

23. Using big words makes me feel smart.  (Or maybe it just makes me feel like I sound smart?  Either way, I like it.)

24. If I met me I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like myself.  I think I would find myself really irritating and I would spend a lot of time mocking me behind my back (although I really try not to do that to other people (it’s different if it’s yourself right?) even when I have really good stories.  Like the one about the guy that I work with that I’m not going to tell you because I’m not going to talk behind his back.  But trust me on this one, I’m going to heaven for this one act (or failure to act) alone.) (Back to the point) I’m not sure why I think that but I’ve thought it for a long time.  I think it may have something to do with the fact that I recognize that the things that irritate me the most in others are the things I do myself.

That being said,

25. I like myself quite a lot.

Christmas Letter, The Dilemma December 18, 2008

I’m not writing a Christmas letter this year.  Mostly because I just don’t feel like it (and we have no cute family pictures and I don’t have time to try to dress folks up to take one, and let’s face it they’re not going to get out before Christmas anyway) but also because there’s only one person to whom I would send it who doesn’t read either this or the family blog that I occasionally contribute to (none of my good stuff, alas) and my readers are all pretty up on what’s new in the Wonderland.  Right?

The thing is that the only way that I have to get in touch with that one person, who happens to be an old college roommate and best friend (in college, I don’t have time for best friends these days) is a snail-mail address and I really would like to hear from her, find out what’s going on, and I’d like to tell her a little bit about my life.  But to do that I feel like I have to send a card (especially since she sent me one).  Basically, I’d like her to read the blog.

Would it be wrong to send her a card with just a web address?

__________________________________

I just thought of a few other people who I would probably send cards or letters or whatever to who read neither of the blogs but I’m just having a lot of trouble caring.

__________________________________

Oh, and I’d also like to address the issue of the Christmas card.  You know, the  one without the accompanying letter.  The one that occasionally doesn’t even have an actually picture of the senders.  What’s that about?  I like you enough to spend 50 cents or whatever it is these days to send you a card wishing you a Merry Christmas, but not enough to actually tell you a little something about what’s going on in my life?

I’ve heard some people (ok, I’ve read some blogs where people) complain(ed) about the overly informative Christmas letter.  And I get that it’s not necessary to inform your old college roommate of the size shoes that your kids are wearing, but at least tell me what the kid’s name is.  Too much information I can work with.  I’ll just stop reading if I’m that bored, but throw me a bone here, give me something.  Why did you even bother sending the thing if you don’t want me to know anything about you?

At least let me know how the witness protection program is working out for you.

Oh Yes I Did December 11, 2008

I’m unusually tired and it hasn’t been a great week and I don’t really feel like blogging.  But I really want to post something.  So in the grand tradition of slacker blogging (if you call it a grand tradition it’s almost like it’s a good thing) I’m reposting out of my archives.

And the thing about reposting out of my archives is that this little gem is from two years ago before any of you read my blog because it was even a different blog and no one read it ever which is why I quit blogging there and stopped blogging at all for a while.  Anyway, I think it’s a good post and one worth reading so without further ado, here it is: Originally titled “Lift Up Your Voice and Sing.”

I have a tendency to sing. I do it out loud and I do it quite a bit. Now, I have a decent voice, musical talent runs in my family and I’ve sung in various choirs and whatnot, but I don’t (entirely) sing because I think I sound great. I will admit that sometimes I do think I sound great, sometimes not so much. I do it because I like to, and because I’m not afraid to.

There’s mention in The Devine Secrets of the Yaya Sisterhood of the fact that “When I was a girl people used to whistle all the time. (This is almost certainly misquoted, but it was something to that effect.) and now they don’t.” I believe that the same could be said about singing. I believe that people used to sing. Look at the numbers of negro spirituals there are out there, these are songs that were sung while picking cotton, a job that has to be amazingly boring and monotonous (while being quite physically taxing at the same time) but people still pick cotton (I think) and people definitely do things that are equally boring these days. How about working on an assembly line, or quality control, or surgery… (no, I’m getting off the point) My point is that people are still doing tedious jobs but they’re not singing to entertain themselves any more. Why not?

I have a few theories, I imagine that the truth is really a combination of all of them. The first is that with the rise of recording, music has become something one could specialize in. While I’m sure talent in that area has always been recognized and appreciated it used to be that the miller had an inspiring deep baritone that was a pleasure to listen to, but he was still the miller. Now he’s the singer and he buys his flour from someone else. With the recognition of that talent comes the inferiority complexes of those who don’t have it. Most of the rest of the theories stem from mass media. Now that we have music recorded we have music with us every where we go. We don’t need to sing while we grocery shop because Muzak has taken care of that for us. And while we sit doing quality control we have our headphones on and our I-pods (I’ll save my rant on Apple for another day) blasting.

Then there’s the fact that singing is usually a group thing. Sure you can solo, I do it a lot but not because I necessarily want to, it’s because not one else will join in. And people are just not that friendly anymore. We don’t even smile at strangers, we certainly wouldn’t sing with them. And apparently we wouldn’t sing for them either. What the heck happened to Carolers?

Perhaps I’m not the one to lecture on reaching out to your fellow men, I’m blogging here, not actually talking after all but I find this sad. I find all of it really sad. C’mon, it’s Christmas, it’s the time of year when we’re supposed to be neighborly. So, I’d like to encourage all within the sound of my blog to do it. Sing. Like I said before it’s Christmas, you know the words to that song wafting overhead while you stand in line to buy gifts, and if you don’t you certainly know the tune, hum it, whistle it. Sing it a little. Maybe you’ll get some strange looks, aren’t you tough enough to take that? Do it for me, you won’t be alone. As I said I sing a lot, this time of year pretty much everywhere I go.

P.S. For those who really take this to heart check this website out.

There Is Sunshine In My Soul Today December 2, 2008

This morning, in the course of feeding the kids and getting them ready for school and doing all the usual stuff I put a few things away.  Where they go.  Forever.  That doesn’t make a lot on sense until I point out that in the course of this massive construction project that we’re doing (which seems to be growing with every post) we’ve been moving things around from one place to another but we haven’t actually been able to put anything where it GOES because the cupboard that it goes in is in the living room and not in the kitchen where it goes because the sheet rock is leaning against the wall where the cupboard goes.  And the diaper bag has just been sitting on the floor by the door because the cabinet hasn’t been built yet because there are cupboards where the cabinet is going to be but we can’t move the cupboards because the sheet rock is … And around and around we go. But we got the sheet rock up so we moved the cupboards to their spot and we even shimmed them and nailed them down and so this morning I put the coloring books that I found laying (lying?) around into the cupboard.  Where they’ll live.  Forever!!  (And I’m starting to think that it will be forever because after all the work I’ve put into this dang house I’m never leaving, they’ll have to pry my cold dead body off the kitchen floor in about 100 years.)  It was good for my soul.

I also learned a few things today.

1. A two year old and a one year old are not really what one would call help when trying to pry up tile.

2. I love my shop-vac more than I love some people that I know.

3. The Baby only has to fall in the hole in the floor that used to be a vent once before I’ll put the cover back on it (this is misleading because it’s not like I put the cover right back on, he just didn’t fall in again.)  So really this should read:  The Baby only has to fall in the hole in the floor where there used to be a vent once before he learns to avoid it.

4. No matter how careful you are with the insulation you will still itch when you’re done.

Blogging Because I Can’t Sleep December 1, 2008

So I have this friend.

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“And?”  You’re thinking.

But that’s it.  I have this friend.   And she’s just a friend, she’s not a sister or a cousin or a co-worker or even an in-law.  She’s just a friend.  We met through blogging but then we met in real life and at this point we’ve even hung out a few times.  I have a friend that I see for no other reason than to hang out with.  I haven’t had one of those in ten years.  Minimum.

It’s not that I haven’t had friends.  I had a few really good friends when I lived in Provo back in the stone age, but then I got married and moved away but I didn’t really mind because I was married and I didn’t need anyone but my husband anyway did I?  And for a while I didn’t.  And then I started having kids and I was working so I got the necessary adult conversation there, and when I wasn’t working I was home with the kids because Sean was working and I couldn’t afford a baby sitter but that was OK because I didn’t have anyone to go do things with anyway.  I’ve always (mostly) had friends at work, it just didn’t leave work.

So now I have this just a friend, friend and for a while it was really good but then I started being… well, me.

I’ve never been overly socially adept and the lack of practice over the last decade hasn’t helped anything.  See, as I said we’ve hung out a few times but we’ve planned to hang out a bunch more times and it hasn’t worked out.  And I get that that’s normal, we’ve all got lives to live, but I have these things that I want to talk to her about, conversations that I can’t have with anyone else (not because there’s anything weird or scandalous about them, just because they’re about writing and blogging and that kind of stuff and she’s the only person I know who does those things like I do those things) but I’m not really a phone person, at least I can’t call someone up just to talk to them, I have to have a reason to be calling.  As long as I have a reason I can talk all day, but “just to talk” isn’t a reason, so I can’t call.

Meandering back to the point.  So I have this friend that I see occasionally but not much and I don’t call because I can’t call, but I do email, and I do read and comment on her blog and occasionally throw in comments about when I see her next or when I saw her last or that kind of thing to show her other readers how cool I am that I actually know her but then I wonder if that’s Kosher.  Is that just not done?  And then I start to wonder if I’m really just a big loser and we haven’t gotten together more than we have because she’s avoiding me (if so, let me just say she’s an Oscar winning actress, she fakes sick really, really well) because I’m too needy, or I’m too aloof, or I’m calling too much, (I’ve called her exactly twice, I doubt that’s too much but you never know) or I’m calling too little, or my house is too messy, or I don’t know what all because I’m socially retarded (and I mean that in the actual definition of retarded kind of way, not in a throwing out retarded in an indiscriminate pejorative kind of way) and I no longer know how to have relationships with people who don’t have to continue to associate with me (ie: my family who can’t get away from me, or the people I work with who are too lazy to find other jobs to get away from me.)

And now as I look over this post I realize that since she reads my blog and will almost certainly know that I’m talking about her I’ve probably just made things a million times worse (and that I use too many parentheses).  So I’m going to go to bed.

All I’m saying is that she better come over tomorrow like she said she would.

Or at least call.